First of all, the thought of becoming a crazy cat lady had never really scared me. I joined babynames.com to keep track of what I’d name my dozen or so cats – Chewbacca Jones, Mittens McGee and Tyrannosaurus Rex. At 24, I’d already resigned myself to spinsterhood surrounded by a hoard of felines that very well may begin to devour me in the event of my untimely death or even a particularly heavy sleep. Sure, it’s not a glamorous life. But it’d be my life.

But then my biological clock hit me like it was Zsa-Zsa Gabor: I missed that relationship feeling. The cuddling and canoodling. The comedy and drama. The warm and fuzzy feeling without being literally warm and fuzzy. So I joined a dating site. Surely there’d be someone out there for me.

I started going on dates. Putting myself out there. Rejected. Accepted. Rejecting. Accepting. But nothing really seemed to click. I tried to make the best of the situation in my articles. After all, I’m a naturally awkward person, so when put into an awkward situation – like a mostly blind date – hilarity is bound to ensue. But, as my friends can attest to, it quickly became disheartening.

When I last left you, things were looking up in the romance department. I’d met someone I thought was great. I was happy and excited and ready to plunge into things headfirst, when flashing lights and sirens started to go off.

[FLASHING LIGHTS] He has a tongue ring.

[UNK-UNK-UNK] He thinks Wes Anderson movies are boring.

When he mentioned that he hadn’t been to a museum since elementary school, Admiral Ackbar popped into my head and yelled, “IT’S A TRAP!” Needless to say, I ran away so fast you would’ve thought I was in the French Army. A girl has to have standards.

So I spent my 25th birthday – which also happened to be Valentine’s Day – single. And happy. Because these aren’t just disappointments. They’re deal breakers. You know, those habits or mannerisms or characteristics that you just can’t allow yourself to overlook? Whether it’s putting the toilet paper on the roll the wrong way, not knowing the difference between “your” and “you’re,” or liking Nickelback. I know there’s someone out there for me. And I shouldn’t have to give up dinosaurs to find him.

Sometimes there’s a catch that ruins everything. What are your deal breakers? Would you – or have you – break up with someone because of a deal breaker?

Related posts:

1. [date] Meeting My Match: The Third
2. [date] Meeting My Match: Part 1
3. [date] Meeting My Match: Part Deux

But I’m not ashamed to say I’ve gone the online dating route off and on since the early aughts. Fellow verb staffer Aimee Brock gave it a go and even wrote about her experiences for this very site. I can think of a handful of friends who have met (and married) their significant others thanks to online dating. And if I’m going to really get personal, I should probably confess that I met my boyfriend that way too (via a slightly crazy dating experiment I cooked up when I was writing for NakedCity magazine).

Looking for love on the interwebs isn’t easy. It’s time consuming, frustrating, and sometimes heartbreaking. But it can also be fun. And since it worked for me, I think it’s perfectly acceptable to offer my expertise and a little advice to anyone willing to take the chance and log on to find love. So here we go:

1. You get what you pay for. The degree of commitment someone is looking for is usually commensurate with the amount they’re willing to pay. OkCupid is a free site full of time wasting surveys and booty calls waiting to happen. A month on Match.com or Yahoo Personals will cost the same as a steak dinner and is great for casual daters. But if you’re really looking to meet your “soulmate” (and you’re willing to drop fifty bones a month), e-Harmony is probably your best shot.
2. Don’t invest a lot of time. If you live in the same city as the dude or lady you’ve struck up an online flirtation with, meet them for coffee or a drink. There is absolutely no reason why you should exchange lengthy emails for three months before meeting IRL (that’s “in real life” for you non-geeks) when all that’s separating the two of you is a 15-minute drive across Wichita. The longer you continue your online correspondence, the more invested you’ll become in the idea of each other and the more let down you’ll be if it doesn’t work out. So don’t waste your time. Schedule a casual date over a couple of beers and see if the chemistry exists away from the keyboard. If not, it’s time to move-on.com.
3. Don’t take it personally. I know it might feel like rejection when you spot a cute guy or girl online, send them some sort of “flirt” or “wink” and then never receive any reciprocal contact. It’s not. They’re just not that into your online dating profile. And, really, when all you know about someone is that they photographed well in 2007 and have the ability to write a few witty blurbs, you really don’t know them at all. And if you don’t know them and they don’t know you, it’s not personal.
4. Women are better at the selection process. This is a completely unscientific statement, but I firmly believe women are better at choosing their mates than men are. Women have long lists of “must-haves” when it comes to their ideal guy. They’re able to detect whether or not the possibility exists for long term compatibility. Men are just simply looking for someone they find attractive, who will be supportive and who doesn’t nag. And if the success of Bachelorettes vs. Bachelors on the ABC reality TV series is any representation that women are better at picking significant others, I think we can all agree that I’m right. So ladies, don’t be shy. Send emails to the guys you think you’d hit it off with and be confident
5. Dating is a numbers game. It sounds so cold and completely unromantic, but it’s true. The more people you go out with, the more likely you are to find someone you’ll want to keep dating. This is why #2 is so important – don’t invest a lot of time. Go out and enjoy getting to meet new people. At the very least you’ll have a good time and make new friends while looking for Mr. or Ms. Right.

According to The New York Daily News, 30% of Americans have given online dating a try. So if any stigma still exists, it shouldn’t. With one-third of us entering the online dating trenches, I gotta know – have you tried online dating? Did it work for you?

Related posts:

1. [date] Meeting My Match: Part 1
2. [date] Meeting My Match: Deal Breaker
3. [date] Meeting My Match: Part Deux

Walk the dog, go to the flea market on Saturday morning, then hit up the art museum for free admission! – Jessica White

There are a few go-to things we do for a cheap date night. If it is during basketball or football season, we hit Larry Buds to watch a game. It never fails – the two of us walk out of there stuffed and happily buzzed and we only spent $30. For an at home option, we have “make your own pizza night” and play music trivia in a homemade game where we use the cable music channels (e-mail me for a “how-to”). For the split decision – stay home and go out – we make dinner at home and then hit someplace with a good jukebox. We play all of our faves and rock out. Savutes, Barney’s and Paula’s all have awesome jukeboxes. – Jana Curl

We grab cheeseburgers at Southeast Carry-Out, then go someplace with live music and coffee. Alternatively, if we had to feed the kids before we left home (which means we’ve probably eaten, too), we might hit the west Borders and find all the books we want to check out at the library later. Oh, once again, coffee. Always coffee. On the extremely rare occasions that we’ve got the house to ourselves and there’s a good chance nobody will come home? Brew a pot of coffee, see what Netflix has sent lately or what we can pay-per-view, and cuddle on the couch. Turn off all phones. See, if anyone comes home, or calls, we’ll pause the movie… and never finish it, because we’ll be too busy being parents. – Stephanie Cloud Seery

Final Fridays. They’re perfect for blending in since buyers are the minority here. Plus, all the things to do and see will distract your
date from the fact that you’re avoiding the cash bars. – Brandon McPeak

We like anything competitive, so bowling or pool are usually our go-to cheap dates. On Saturday night, you can bowl an unlimited number of games at Northrock Lanes for $11/person after 11 pm. If we go the pool route, we’ll find a low-key spot and challenge each other to a marathon of pool. With cheap beers and 75 cent games, we never spend more than $20. Neither of us are very good, but it’s fun to try. If we want to stay in, we have Dinner & a Documentary night. We check out a DVD from the library or stream a documentary through Netflix (there are a TON to choose from) and cook together. – Shea Sylvia

Sometimes, when we want to have time to ourselves but don’t have extra cash for a babysitter and dinner and a movie, we have a date night at home. We put the kids to bed a little early and have dessert and watch a movie On Demand. It’s very casual and low-key but something we can indulge in more often than a full-blown date night. – Andrea Anglin

My boyfriend and I love to grab a bottle of wine and a redbox movie. You can find a good bottle of wine for less than $10 so it doesn’t have to be expensive. When it’s warmer, we also like to just adventure around outside in the evening. We love walking around the Keeper of the Plains area. It’s great on a crisp or warm night and good for people watching as well. – Liz Sothman

On my very favorite date, we picked up some ice cream from Cold Stone and headed to the park. While we ate our ice cream, we played on the swings and walked along the path. After that we played tennis and of course I beat him so that made it even better! We only spent about $10 and it was an afternoon of fun. On another date, we drove around all the rich neighborhoods in ICT and picked out houses that we liked. Besides the gas used in driving, it was a free afternoon spent daydreaming about the houses we’d never be able to afford. Rollerskating is another fun idea. Couple skating to “Red Red Wine”? Yes, please! We also volunteered and cooked for the homeless. It was morning full of doing good and making (and eating) pancakes. It doesn’t get better than that. – Carly Holmes

What’s your favorite cheap date activity in Wichita? Let us know in the comments.

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3. [date] Meeting My Match: The Third

Dating is a lot like plate spinning, I imagine. When you’re indiscriminately pursuing all leads, regardless of your actual interest in them, it becomes a bit overwhelming. It takes a lot of work to get them spinning and even more work to keep them spinning. Eventually, it comes to the point when you have to blink. And in that instant, a plate here starts to wobble, a plate there slows down then, suddenly, you’re surrounded by a pile of busted ass plates and nothing to show for it besides exhaustion and confusion.

So my trip to San Francisco was a good opportunity to step away from the plates for a while, and see what, if anything, was left.

I started taking a good look at the profiles of those who expressed interest to see how compatible we could be. What can I compromise on – like a previous marriage – and what’s absolutely non-negotiable – like being a Mizzou fan. And, wouldn’t you know it? Negotiating the sea of singles became much less stressful. I focused my energy on a few people. Through exchanging messages, we got an idea of what the other is looking for, how our personalities might mesh and whether there may actually be a spark.

After some witty banter and fairly deep email exchanges, one fellow piqued my interest. Funny. Smart. Handsome. In the right age range. Local. Flirtatious. And eager to meet me. It sounded almost too good to be true. That’s when the panic set in. All of a sudden, I felt completely out of my league. A total package is totally terrifying.

If he’s the Major League slugger I think he is, what league am I in? Am I a AA ballplayer who could get called up to the majors at any minute? Or am I stuck in the minors or slumming it on some farm team? My first instinct was to flee. He can’t reject me if he can’t catch me, after all. But after some friend therapy, I was convinced to just go try. What’s the worst that can happen? Someone I barely know may not like me? It’s not the end of the world. You just, well, suck it up and move on.

So we met. And it went surprisingly well. Any nervousness I had quickly faded. The conversation was flowing. There was laughter, some serious moments and plenty of flirtation. He even analyzed our astrological compatibility – which happened to be very compatible.

At the end of the date, we went our separate ways – with plans to get together again in the very near future…

Related posts:

1. [date] Meeting My Match: Part Deux
2. [date] Meeting My Match: Deal Breaker
3. [date] Meeting My Match: The Third

Picture it: you are sitting at a tiny table surrounded by lots of other tiny tables with tiny candles and tiny vases with fake carnations in them. Couples holding hands, drinking white zinfandel and whispering sweet nothings to each other from across the table abound. You my friend, have entered the dreaded Valentine’s Day celebration zone.

Going out for Valentine’s Day can be so overrated. There is so much pressure to have a super-fantastic romantic time that you end up eating an overpriced, subpar meal and having an argument about why you went out in the first place. Well, the time has arrived to do something different: stay in for Valentine’s Day.

Staying in can be even more romantic than going out. You don’t have to fight the crowds of other couples and you truly get some time alone. Staying in can also save a little money; you won’t have to pay $20 more for a bottle of wine than it would cost at the liquor store or tip your waiter.

There is no better way to express your love than to cook for someone. The old adage that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach is true, and take it from me: the same goes for the ladies. I promise that the recipes below have all been tested in the Curl Family test kitchen and are amazingly impressive, fabulously delicious and incredibly simple.

Meal idea #1: Steakhouse steaks with sautéed broccoli and cheddar mashed potatoes

Steak recipe: Ina Garten’s Steakhouse Steaks

Cheddar mashed potatoes:

• Boil two russet potatoes – peeled and cut into quarters – until soft. Drain.
• In a medium-sized bowl add potatoes, 2 T milk, 1 T butter, ¼ cup sour cream, ¼ cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese, a dash of salt and pepper. Blend/mash until smooth and creamy.
• Suggested wine pairing: Cupcake Vineyards Cabernet Sauvignon

Meal idea #2: Pan-seared scallops with angel hair pasta with pesto and crusty bread

Click for the best guide for making melt in your mouth, perfectly prepared scallops.

Pasta:

• Prepare pesto a day in advance. In a food processor combine 4 cups fresh basil leaves (from about 3 large bunches), ½ cup olive oil, 1/3 cup pine nuts and 2 cloves of minced garlic until paste forms. Add ½ cup of grated parmesan cheese and 1 tsp of kosher salt – blend until smooth.
• Just prepare pasta al dente and toss with pesto!
• I recommend the Par-Baked bread at Dillons, just pop it in the oven and you have a lovely, crusty loaf of fresh bread.
• Suggested wine pairing: Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc

Meal idea #3: Fettuccine Alfredo with bacon – serve with salad and aforementioned crusty bread

• Great lightened-up recipe from Cooking Light
• Suggested wine pairing: Castle Rock Pinot Noir

If you stay in for Valentine’s Day, you can do whatever you want – that’s the beauty of it. Play Guitar Hero, Singstar or Rock Band and crack each other up with your ability to rock out. Or you can grab your Snuggies and some popcorn and watch a movie together. The possibilities for fun activities are endless, but I will refrain from providing too much more detail on that.

Finally, here are a few simple rules for a fabulous evening:

• Keep it simple. You don’t want to be in the kitchen slaving away the whole night, so choose a menu that is elegant but easy.
• Be prepared. Have your grocery shopping done and the house cleaned the day before your evening in. You want to be able to relax and enjoy the evening not stepping over dog toys, washing dishes or staring at an ironing board. Complete your food prep in advance and you will have that much more time to spend with the one you love.
• Make it special. Light the candles and turn down the lights to set the mood. And ditch the old Tanners cup and actually use your nice plates, glasses and silverware.
• Dress for success. Resist the temptation to don your sweats and old Poison T-shirt. By all means be comfortable, but dress up a little bit; it will make it feel more like a real date.
• Don’t forget the sweets. Hello! It’s Valentine’s Day; you have to have sweets. Embrace the holiday and go all out with heart-shaped cookies or cake. Or get some fancy chocolates to share from Cero’s Candies or Cocoa Dolce.
• Turn it off. This is quite possibly the most important rule of all. Don’t turn on the TV during dinner and put down the Blackberry – I repeat – PUT DOWN THE BLACKBERRY! Being at home could cause you to revert to your normal routine, but don’t do it. Put on your favorite tunes and actually talk to one another. And did I mention putting down the Blackberry? Yes, I think I did.

How are you planning to celebrate V-Day with your sweetie? Let us know in the comments.

image credit

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Candy hearts and boxes of chocolate have lined the shelves of Target for months, previews for Dear John play every commercial break and your friends in relationships have started talking about their plans. Whether you love the holiday or loathe it, Valentine’s Day is here, people.

This year, I find myself single. Again. Regardless of my relationship status, I happen to love the holiday. I’ve had my fair share of romantic Valentine’s Days spent coupled up, but I’ve also spent plenty single – so many, in fact, that I consider myself kind of a pro. Of course, there was that one year that I drank enough Relax Reisling that I was relaxed enough to think eating a dozen cupcakes was a good idea, but I choose not to focus on that one.

Here are some suggestions from the self-professed Queen of Singledom for how to survive Valentine’s and have a bit of fun while you’re at it.

• Host a mixer. Have your single friends bring along a member of the opposite sex that they don’t want to date but who is a good candidate for others. For example, I would bring my friend Ryan. I have no interest in Ryan, but he is a successful, funny, good-looking dude who would be perfect for someone. Just not me. So I would bring him and hope that one of my friends brought an equally awesome person. The great thing about this party is that there is no pressure. If no one makes a connection, at least there will still be good food and lots of booze. How can you go wrong with that?
• Stay away from blind dates. Blind dates are usually awful anyway; just imagine what a blind date would be like with the added pressure of it being Valentine’s Day. Don’t do it.
• Do not, under any circumstances, watch The Notebook. You do not want to wake up on February 15th with your eyes swollen shut from crying so much the night before. I speak from experience on this one.
• Put on your best shirt (the more boob showage for the ladies, the better) and head to the mall bar, otherwise known as Denim and Diamonds. What better way to spend this holiday than two-stepping with a cowboy? Bring along your favorite single guys and gals and line dance the night away.
• Choose to be positive. No one likes a Debbie Downer, and being jealous of your coupled-up friends is not going to make you feel better. I choose to look at my friends in relationships as proof that true love is really out there, even if I haven’t found it yet.
• Do not contact your exes. You will regret it the next morning. Leave the past in the past and hold out hope that love is in your future.
• Send Valentines to the people you love. Who says Valentine’s Day is only about showing love to significant others? There are plenty of people in my life who deserve a note letting them know how much they mean to me, and I’m sure you have people who could use a note letting them know how much you appreciate them.
• Buy your own chocolate. No holiday should pass without chocolate. Go on the 15th and get it half-price. The only thing better than chocolate is chocolate on sale.

These tips may seem like common sense, but I can attest to the fact that when Valentine’s comes along, people who are sensible the other 364 days tend to freak out. I blame Hallmark.

I’ve been there. I’ve been the girl who sat at home and cried all night because no one took me out to a romantic dinner at the Olive Garden. Ha. I’ve also been the girl who was in a relationship and ended up disappointed by the lack of creativity my partner showed. A dozen roses. Really?! I’ll take a handwritten love letter over flowers any day.

It seems that Valentine’s is not perfect for anyone. It’s good to always remember… WWPBD. What would Pat Benatar Do?

She would say, “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.” Whatever February 14th brings, have fun with it. She would remind you that some people are “Heartbreakers” and that they aren’t worth your time. It’s better to be single than to deal with people who just want to put another notch in their lipstick case. Pat would encourage you to know that “Love is a Battlefield”, but she would also remind you that after awhile you find The One. You will find the person to whom you can say, “We Belong” and that you don’t give up on. She would encourage you to not forget that love is out there.

In the end, February 14th is just a day on the calendar. Another day to remind those who are important to you that you love them. Another day to eat chocolate. Another day to drive around with your windows down and the Pat Benatar music up. And another day to eat a dozen cupcakes. I suggest sharing, though. Your stomach and hips will thank you later.

image credit

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1. [date] Single & Fabulous this Holiday Season
2. [date] Meeting My Match: Deal Breaker
3. [date] Meeting My Match: Part Deux

Just in case this point isn’t abundantly clear, first dates are awkward. And when you throw me, Queen of the Awkward, into these types of situations? Well, let’s just say no good can come of it. It’s not that I suffer from uncontrollable flatulence or excessive sweating when meeting new people; I just kind of stare at my shoes and wish for the Apocalypse.

Anyway, after a week of exploring Match.com and chatting with a few fine fellows, I decided to take it to the next step – a real, live, face-to-face encounter. YIKES!

My mom has this theory about first dates – treat them like a crime waiting to happen. As she puts it, “Experts always say to never allow your attacker to take you to a second location. Because if he’s going to kill you, that’s where he’ll do it. So with first dates, until you’re sure he won’t dump your body in a shallow grave, it’s best that you stick to meeting in a public place and staying there. Also, don’t let him follow you to your car – he’ll probably hit you over the head with a pipe and stuff you in the trunk.” Now, I take all of my mother’s advice with grain of salt, but, in a sick way, this makes sense (except for that last part – that was a bit crazy). A single-location first date means less stress for both parties and an easy out if he’s giving off the Buffalo Bill vibe.

Since this is technically our first meeting, choosing a date location that allows us to actually talk is a very good thing. Going to a movie together is all very well and fine, but you don’t learn much about your date – apart from whether he pees when he laughs or covers his eyes during scary movies. This is why I’m a big fan of going out for coffee or dessert as a first-date activity. It’s casual. It’s cheap. And affords the opportunity to get to know one another a little better.

I learned that writing down the day and time of your date is kind of an important thing. One fine young man probably thought I was getting a ride on a short bus, because I couldn’t remember whether we were meeting at 7 or 8. So I showed up at 7, just in case. I waited for a while. Realized that I am, in fact, a spaz. Then drove around for the next 45 minutes so my date wouldn’t catch on to my ridiculousness. I tried to play it cool, but I’m pretty sure he was on to me.

I also learned a lesson in wearing appropriate attire. I made the woeful mistake of wearing a low-cut shirt while playing pool. I didn’t even think about it beforehand, but it wasn’t far into our first game that I noticed I was on the verge of indecent exposure. Not exactly the best first impression. Oh, and if it’s cold, wear a coat. This seems like common knowledge, I know. But I figured, “Hey, I’m a strapping young lass. I’m not afraid of a little chill.” As it turns out, spending the next couple of days with a fever and headache kind of disrupts one’s social agenda. I’m sure the “poor shivering girl” look is precious and all, but it’s so not worth it.

All in all, the first week of actual dates wasn’t horrible. Some were great conversation. Some were out of my league. And some were painfully awkward. Even though the sparks were few and far between, it gave me the confidence to just get out there and meet people. You know what, it’s not all that bad. The hermit life just may be overrated.

Related posts:

1. [date] Meeting My Match: Deal Breaker
2. [date] Meeting My Match: Part Deux
3. [date] Meeting My Match: A New Hope

A week into my Match.com experiment and I haven’t quite decided whether I like it. On one level, scoping out someone’s profile is kind of like vetting a potential date. On another, chemistry is hard to transfer over the Internet – at least in only a week’s span.

On the plus side, there’s been plenty of interest. This may be attributed to me being a V in a sea of Ps. But I like to think that getting to know me sounds infinitely better than living out the rest of your days with a dozen cats, praying they do you a solid by not devouring your corpse after your heart gives out while watching scrambled porn on Cinemax. Or, you know, something to that effect.

However, I’m finding that there is such a thing as too much interest. I don’t have hours to devote to responding to messages. Sure, it may make me a C-unit, but I’ve developed a little test to screen incoming messages from these e-lotharios:

1. Does he know how to use caps lock without abusing it? TYPING LIKE THIS DOES NOT LEAVE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION UNLESS YOU ARE GILBERT GOTTFRIED AND THIS IS JUST HOW YOU TALK IN TEXT FORM.
2. Does he offer to send you pictures of his junk? Guys, here’s the thing: Unless you want me to respond with “Awwww! Look at that lil’ guy! He’s so cute… And shy!”, keep the nudie pictures to yourself.
3. Does he look like he’d keep you in a pit in his basement? I know, I know, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” But if that book appears to be bound in the skin of the last girl he met on Match, it’s probably not going to be a mutually advantageous pairing.
4. Does he make you question whether or not he’s literate enough to write his Rs the right way? I don’t care if it makes me an English Führer, I appreciate a man who knows the difference between their/they’re/there or to/two/too – and won’t write me love letters on a Big Chief tablet.
5. Has he already been friend-zoned? There are just some guys who are better left as friends. I know it’s a rough existence for friend-zoned males, but sometimes these things have to be done to maintain order in the universe.

Even with this rigorous screening process, some had potential. Those are the ones who get to experience my crippling awkwardness live and in-person. But that’s probably best left for the next episode…

Have you ventured out into the weird and wild world of online dating? I’d love to hear about it.

Related posts:

1. [date] Meeting My Match: Part 1
2. [date] Meeting My Match: A New Hope
3. [date] Meeting My Match: Deal Breaker

And then it hit me: Damn, I’m lonely.

I’ll go to a bar. Meet someone. Maybe go on a date. Then realize we have absolutely nothing in common apart from our shared ability to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide. It’s disheartening. And frustrating. And you feel like maybe you’re defective because you can’t seem to find someone worthwhile. So, while I was pining away for that dreadfully charming Hugh Grant type, I said, “This is stupid. I’m reasonably attractive. Entertaining. And relatively intelligent. For all intents and purposes, I’m a damned catch.”

So I did something impulsive. I joined a dating site.

At first I went to eHarmony. Checked it out. Thought about joining. Then remembered their damned commercials. The happy couples who finish each other’s sentences and have the personality of a particularly dull brand of vaccuum cleaner. Yeah, no thank you. If I wanted robot, I’d date a Sybian. So I went with Match.com.

After answering a bajillion questions, meticulously writing and editing profile blurbs and uploading a couple pictures, I waited for my profile to be approved. A few days passed and still no word. I thought that, perhaps, it was already live and I really am defective and unlikable. Then I realized that my profile included an f-bomb and apparently that sort of frank language is not tolerated in the world of online dating – which is pretty effed up, if you ask me.

So I edited out my vulgarities and resubmitted my profile. And with that, I’m off. Off on a weird and crazy adventure that I’m hoping leads me down a path of happiness. Or, at the very least, provides some good material to write about. So, if you all will bear with me, I’d like to drag you along on my journey.

Welcome, 2010. Now let’s go get the shit kicked out of us by love.

image credit

Related posts:

1. [date] Meeting My Match: Part Deux
2. [date] Meeting My Match: Deal Breaker
3. [date] Meeting My Match: The Third

But I think more accurately, being single during the holidays feels different because it’s the end of the year and I’m going to start another year alone and depressed. Ha! Made you look. This isn’t that kind of post. If you’re looking for someone to commiserate with about the loneliness of the holidays you’ve come to the wrong place, my friend. I’m sure there are people out there who will wallow with you… I’m not one of them. Why not? Because wallowing is not a good look on me and frankly, it’s not a good one for you either.

I do however, really hate those Kay’s commercials and fully believe that well-intentioned or not, people should never ask if someone is still single. Instead of getting upset about it though let’s think about it a bit differently.

Do we really care what Aunt Fran who still wears puffy paint sweatshirts with Santa on the front thinks about our singledom? Nope. Hey Fran, I love the 80’s just as much (if not more) as the next person but they called and they’d really like you to know that puffy paint is never making a comeback so it’s okay to go ahead and put it away for good. Okay, now that we got that out of the way here’s another thing – yes, I’m still single and you know what? I’m okay with that. I know that since “Designing Women” was cancelled in ‘93, you’ve needed something else to worry about, but let’s just say that I’m fine and so is Julia Sugarbaker for that matter. We don’t need you worrying about us.

Sure we single ladies may not be getting a diamond ring under the Christmas tree anytime soon but that does not equate to loneliness. I was engaged before and my holiday included trying to pick out the perfect gift for his mommy (yeah, he really called her that… seriously.) and then sitting around the dining room table listening to these people talk all while longing to be home alone in my pajamas watching Love Actually. Those holidays spent with his family were much lonelier than my holidays are now. Now I spend time with my family (even Aunt Fran), friends or alone. I do whatever I want now. This is the way life should always be.

I’m not saying I never want to be in a relationship again (Honestly, I would love a nice boyfriend). And I’m not saying that the holidays are better when you’re single. I am not a relationship hater by any means. I’m simply saying to embrace where you are right now. Accepting that 2009 is not going to end in a blissful relationship doesn’t mean giving up. It’s just means that you can be happy wherever you are in your life. And Fran…I’m serious about the puff paint. Give it up.

Related posts:

1. [date] Single and Fabulous on Valentine’s Day
2. [do] Homemade Holiday Gifts That Don’t Suck
3. [date] Meeting My Match: Deal Breaker