I’ve been a bachelor for most of my late twenties. For whatever reason, I just haven’t found that special lady I want to settle down with. Some people might call this a fear of commitment… and those people would probably be right. And since I’m rapidly approaching 30, I’m finding most of my guy friends are either married or in serious relationships.

I do my best to not be “that friend;” you know, the friend that women in relationships hate their men hanging out with. I try to be cordial with my friends’ significant others and include them in plans whenever possible. But when we all hang out (girlfriends included) the conversation eventually turns from being scholarly and intellectual, to a bunch of guys regurgitating famous movie lines.

As sad and pathetic as this little man-ritual is, it’s still male bonding. Most of the time, the group will realize how immature we’re being and bring the conversations back into adult-land. But there have been a few select instances when it’s just too hard to forfeit this quotation competition and it must continue on.

To avoid becoming bored to death whenever this happens, I’m proposing the ladies learn a few lines from some classic comedies to help them stay in the conversation. The following movies, without a doubt, will be quoted by a group of guys at some point during a typical night out. Guaranteed  Not only can these lines help you keep up with the group, but most of them can be said randomly through out the night, leaving every single guy in the group wishing you were his girlfriend.

The following quotes were chosen not only for their comedic depth and chronological range, but for their ability to be used in many social situations. Below, you’ll find examples of common situations that happen during a night out with guys and a corresponding quote to use. No need to watch the entire movie ladies, memorizing just a few of these will fool any man. We’re simple creatures.

When making plans for the night: “We’re gonna play hockey at Sue’s house until 10:30, and then we’re either going to the Lava Lounge for Sinatra Night… or we’ll be at the Derby for Big Bad Voodoo Daddy. We might also check out Swing Night at the El Rey. And if we’re not there we’ll be at the Three of Clubs, allright? Otherwise we’ll be at the Dresden Room, so come on out and meet up with us.” - Swingers

When someone asks, “What are we going to do?”: “The question isn’t “what are we going to do;” the question is “what aren’t we going to do?” Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

When meeting someone new: “What brings you to this nape of the woods, neck of the wape?” Caddyshack

Introducing yourself: “I don’t know how to put this but…I’m kind of a big deal.” Anchorman

Ordering scotch: “I’ll have a scotch on the rocks. Any scotch will do as long as it’s not a blend of course. Single malt Glenlivet, Glenfiddich perhaps maybe a Glen… any Glen.” Swingers

Once you’ve received your scotch: “I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly…” Anchorman

If someone asks you to do something: “We can do that; we don’t even have to have a reason.” Caddyshack

If someone says there’s a one in a million chance of you dating them: “So you’re telling me there’s a chance. Yeah!” Dumb and Dumber

If you need to build someone’s confidence during the night: “You’re so money and you don’t even know it!” Swingers

If someone is wearing awful-smelling cologne: “It’s a formidable scent. It stings the nostrils. I’m gonna be honest with you, [insert name], that smells like pure gasoline.” Anchorman

When someone doesn’t respond to a question you’ve asked: “Bueller?… Bueller?… Bueller?” Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

If someone does something stupid/awesome during the night: “Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this…  and totally redeem yourself!” Dumb and Dumber

At any point during the night: “I love lamp.” Anchorman

When trying to sounds philosophical: “The Zen philosopher Basha once wrote, ‘A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.” Caddyshack

When the bar/party starts to suck: “This place is dead anyways.” Swingers

If you want the drunk people in your house to leave: “You’re still here? It’s over. Go home. Go.” Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

And finally, ladies, if you want to win any movie quoting game, or if you’re looking for a marriage proposal: Simply quote, Bill Murray’s “Dali-lama” speech from Caddyshack in its entirety.

What comedies do you and your friends like to quote?

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